I have won and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life’s been a journey
I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
These lyrics to the song “Through All Of It” by Colton Dixon are a quite accurate description of my walk with Christ. There have been some very, very good times filled with joy that come to mind as I type this. However, the good times have been accompanied by some very, very bad times and regret.
With remorse, I admit that in the good times I often forgot to be truly thankful and for many years I could find no way to be thankful for the bad times…the very, very bad times. But years and the grace of God have shown me that the very, very bad times serve a very heavenly purpose. When all is dark around us and we are afraid or feel alone, what do we do by instinct almost? We seek light and companionship. So there are blessings in the very, very dark times when we seek the Light of the World, Jesus, who comes along beside us, holds our hand so that we are never alone…cause for praise in the worst of times.
Brokenness. Last Sunday when my pastor asked what needed to be laid at the foot of the cross in our individual lives, I thought I was good with that question. Couldn’t really think of anything big I was holding back on. Then, the answer washed over me. My brokenness…from the very, very bad times. There is no anger with this brokenness, though there used to be. Praise God He has delivered me from that. Pain. I was keenly aware of the pain that remained from the very, very bad. My heart still has some mending to do.
So what does that mending process look like? Well, not fun for sure. You see I am a master at taking pain and walling it off in the deepest parts of me where I have fooled myself into believing it can no longer hurt me. This is considered a coping mechanism. For me during the very, very bad times it was a survival skill without which I thought I would break into a million pieces and there was no time for that.
Mending looks like forgiveness for myself and others. Mending looks like breaking down walls with God’s help, facing and walking through the pain of the very, very bad with my hand in His. Denial has met its expiration date. I want the pain of my brokenness to be lifted from my life. It is a robber of joy that is meant for me in the Lord. And so the journey begins.
What about you? Anything you need to leave at the foot of the cross and take hold of the hand of Jesus as He leads you away from that burden? Ask Him and then listen. You may be surprised to discover what burden is crippling your walk. Don’t delay. “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” (Psalm 55:22) Always remember that God has been and will continue to be with us through all of it. I will be praying for you. To God Be the Glory!