For those of you who thought I was no longer writing this blog, guess what–I am back! Please allow me to elaborate on my whereabouts during the past few months. I can sum it up in two words…my dream. I have been pursuing my dream. This has been a scary process. Many people never share their dreams for fear of being thought silly. Dreams are notoriously BIG desires which seem unattainable by most. However, when you add God into the mix along with His calling and purpose for your life, all things are possible.
My dream has always been to write a book that would glorify God. Throughout my life, God has allowed experiences which have more than provided the subject matter needed for such a book. My dream was on the shelf, pushed way to the back as something that I would pursue one day. Deciding I was not getting any younger and forcing my hand by enrolling in a She Speaks writer’s conference, I bit the bullet. I will confess to the fact that withdrawing in time to receive a full refund was in my thoughts until the date passed.
I have to admit this has been a most difficult, emotional experience. Perhaps that explains my procrastination. You can dream about something forever, but you ultimately must face the reality that a dream requires much work and commitment. Yes, God has helped me tremendously through this process, but He was not going to type the words on the computer for me. A dream requires action.
This was so beautifully demonstrated to me while walking in the park last week. I apologize for the picture, but it was almost dark and the picture from my phone is out of focus. There was this baby duckling sitting all alone on a rock just above a stream of rushing water. He was terrified. I wanted so badly to help him to smoother waters, but that was out of the question. I watched for a long time before walking away. He would barely dip his webbed foot into the water only to draw it back in fear. If only he knew that just a few feet away the water was more peaceful. He was still there twenty minutes later.
Pursuing my dream has been much like that. I had it locked away somewhere safe in my mind as a future project. This blog has been an example of me dipping my toe in the water while being to fearful to take that leap of faith towards the dream. Of course, I had imagined many reasons for the delay. God took them all away. Time was not a problem after a recent move and a lengthy delay in obtaining a dental hygiene license in a new state. It was clearly time to take the leap of faith.
The writing of my book has made it necessary for me to revisit and chronicle some very difficult experiences in my life. I have cried, lost sleep and prayed diligently through this process. Only God knows whether this book will one day be offered to the public, but I am better for the journey. You see, the time spent writing this book has caused me to revisit the presence and provision of God in every situation I have encountered throughout my life. He never left my side, and God has used the most difficult of times to mold and shape me into His likeness. Hindsight is always 20/20. He is a good, good Father.
There has been a constant battle against Satan. Fear–that is what he has used to discourage me–fear that I have misinterpreted God’s plan for my life, fear of failure, fear of rejection. He knows these are all areas that would cause me the most pain. I am stronger for that battle. I have learned a multitude of things about computer operation and book proposals. Many thanks to my daughter, Miriam, for being my editor-in-chief throughout this part of the journey!
The dream is no longer mine. I have placed it at the feet of God to do with as He will. If this book is His will for me, I will be thrilled. If God has other plans, then I know they will be better and serve a higher purpose. I am learning huge lessons about faith.
Please pray for me as I have the opportunity to present my book proposal to several publishers in the next few days. Please pray for God’s will and Satan’s defeat. Thank you very much and may God bless you. To God Be the Glory!